January 11, 2012
We have started a new adventure with God this year. I find
it very scary as we step out in faith and trust that God is with us. Thomas and
I felt like God was asking us to bring him home and work on Hearts2gether
Marriage Ministry in a full time way. It is slow going and at times
frustrating, but we know that this is His ministry and not ours. As of
yesterday I went into full blown panic mode. We decided to stop getting
unemployment checks and just rely on God for odd jobs or an income. Thomas has
worked and not gotten paid and does not know when he will. That makes it hard
for us to budget. It also means that we need to have faith that God knows what
we need and when we need it. I went to the mail today hoping for a birthday
card with $5 in it so I can get some gas and found a card that I had written to
myself around this time last year. Struggling with the feelings about getting a
stupid letter from myself I opened it and this is what it said:
Marta what you have learned this weekend is to lead when God
calls you to. Stand and Believe in what God says to you. Remember the feeling
of Him holding your chin and asking you to look only at Him. Marta you better
have read that book by now! Remember Girl Remember.
Marta (Child of God)
I get scared so often and think that this is what I want and
not what God wants. I want to follow him, not myself. Stand and Believe and
Remember. Those are powerful words to me as I don’t feel good enough to carry
out big things for God. He chose me at this time to be here. I was looking for
money and believing that God would put some in the mail, but I got something
better than a $5 bill. I got God telling me that He’s here and knows my needs.
The best part is that it was in my own words written by my own hand a year ago.
Why do I struggle so with belief that this is His and not ours. And if it’s His
wouldn’t He take care of all the details right down to the money, people and
building. Lord help me to remember where I have come from. Blessings,
Your Child
